A Reason to Live
by Fairady
Summary: Interconnected drabbles from Kakashi and Iruka.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns all and I own nothing.

Warning: Drabbles.

Notes: Loosely connected drabbles from Kakashi and Iruka. For some reason Kakashi wanted to be written in first person while Iruka prefers third.

A Reason to Live  
by Fairady

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"Win, lose. What does it matter? In the end I'm always here."

Always alone.

What's the point anymore? Why be alive when everyone else is long dead? A promise. You see Obito, I'm keeping my promise. I'll protect Rin even in death. Even in her own death. I'm still here, still protecting her. As long as Konoha stands you'll both be safe. That's why I'm still alive. That is my reason for living.

"Pathetic, isn't it?"

But I have no other reason to exist. A while back I almost had one. My students, they should've remained with me for several more years learning how to fight, how to survive. Perhaps that's why I lost them to better masters. All I can teach them is how to kill and survive. I couldn't teach them to live. How can I teach something I know nothing about?

Perhaps if I'd been better I would have recognized the darkness in Sasuke for what it really was. Not a reflection of the dark that binds my own soul. Cold, dead, and suffocating. But a searing darkness still burning with hatred. I'd blindly assumed that he was like me, that he would follow the same path as me when he realized how important his friends were. How naive of me. I conveniently forgot how it took your death for me to realize anything.

Hell, it took Rin's death for me to realize she'd been important too. Not just someone to be protected by a death-side promise.

Well that promise is all that I live for now. My students have gone their own ways, and the Hokage needs every shinobi she has. It's unlikely I'll be given another reason handed to me so easily. I'll take the missions and come back alive for my next. For my promise to you, I will always be here.

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	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns all and I own nothing.

Warning: Drabbles.

Notes: Loosely connected drabbles from Kakashi and Iruka. For some reason Kakashi wanted to be written in first person while Iruka prefers third.

A Reason to Live  
by Fairady

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The report was sloppy and crumbled. For once Iruka said nothing. The rate of missions flowing into the village was nearly beyond the capacity for the shinobi to keep up with. Iruka himself had just come back from a minor mission that had required him to be pulled from teaching. Hastily written reports made out on the journey back to the village were the norm now, and he could forgive a little sloppiness.

He could forgive a lot more than that as the report, turned in by Kakashi, was probably the most timely report he'd seen the man turn in. But then, Iruka sighed as he watched the jounin receive his next assignment, considering the number of missions the higher ranked ninjas were being forced to take, he'd eat his grade book if Kakashi had even the slightest idea about what the date was.

The jounin nodded and vanished just as abruptly as he'd appeared. It would probably be another week or two before he set foot in the village again. Iruka could only wonder at the older man's will that allowed him to plow through missions like that. He'd be insane by the fith or sixth mission.

Iruka smoothed the report out and scanned through it not surprised that he could mark it off as another successful mission. Kakashi had gotten the information the client requested and- Iruka squinted. The black ink faded off mid-word before being picked up by a lighter brown ink. The brown matched the paper too well and Iruka had to work to separate the words from the paper.

It wasn't a very good ink to be writing with. Too light to read easily and, Iruka noticed to his dismay, it rubbed off a little too easily in small flecks. Iruka stared down at the brownish flecks on his thumb. Kakashi had run out of proper ink while writing the report and had been forced to use whatever else he had handy. The small flecks were old, dried and brown.

Blood.

Iruka wiped his thumb on his pants. He didn't understand how the man could continue this reckless parade of missions. Even the other jounin had been forced to take a breather every once in a while for their own sanity. Iruka didn't receive nearly as many reports from them written in their own blood as he did from Kakashi.

He couldn't help the vague feeling that was more a reason than an effect.

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns all and I own nothing.

Warning: Drabbles.

Notes: Loosely connected drabbles from Kakashi and Iruka. For some reason Kakashi wanted to be written in first person while Iruka prefers third.

A Reason to Live  
by Fairady

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Skin splits open and blood sprays out missing me as I run past the falling corpse. I'm glad I can barely feel the burn of the wound in my side anymore. The forest is alive with shadows and I need all of my attention focused on running away. One jounin, no matter how skilled, can't last long against this many opponents.

A kunai buries itself into the branch beside me and I slide around it into the deeper shadows of the tree. A clone continues in my place and I don't have long to wait before the foolish Sound nin rushes past me. He doesn't have time to register my presence before his neck snaps and the body crashes to the ground.

The clone is still solid and I let it continue to run as distraction. Hopefully it'll earn me a few precious seconds.

I leave the canopy of the trees and weave through the shadows of the forest floor. I'm nearly to the border of Fire country and perhaps, if I'm lucky, even help. If nothing else, the Sound ninja have been reluctant to set foot inside the country since the failed invasion.

I feel the tug at my mind as the clone dissolves and pick up my pace. It won't take long for the pursuers to pick up my trail again. All they have to do is spread themselves out at the border. They know I have to pass that way.

Which is exactly what they've done. I slip under the shadow of a fallen tree and look at the ambush waiting for me.

It's obvious now that this pursuit and ambush hadn't been hastily thrown together. These nin had been stationed along the Fire border specifically for the purpose of catching and killing anyone fleeing. Leaves rustle some distance behind me. The pursuers are meant to herd them directly to this spot. Stupid of me not to notice how I was being led.

It's a trap that's obviously been planned to catch any shinobi who might be returning from an intelligence mission. It's effective but very draining on manpower. Most likely they can only set one of these traps up. If I can slip behind the herders I can easily circle around to a less guarded portion of the border.

I close my good eye and study the forest behind me. There. I slip between two Sound nin who don't notice at all. The herders have spread themselves thin in order to catch me and it's not long before I'm behind their line and heading north.

By the time they've figured out what I've done I'll be well inside the borders of Fire. They might still be looking for me when I come back on a different mission. Maybe I'll let myself spring their little trap next time.

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	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns all and I own nothing.

Warning: Drabbles.

Notes: Loosely connected drabbles from Kakashi and Iruka. For some reason Kakashi wanted to be written in first person while Iruka prefers third.

A Reason to Live  
by Fairady

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A lull in the tide. A week of harshly blowing storms stemmed the flow of mission requests to the village. Iruka yawned tiredly as he closed his books for the evening. He'd finally been able to catch up on most of his unfinished grading. For his next feat he was thinking about paying back his sleep debt. Between his classes, the regular missions, and his duties in the mission room Iruka hadn't really had much time for more than a few quick naps for the last two months.

A rather tasking schedule even by the standards of the last six months. The Hokage had once urged him to drop one of his duties insisting that any of the two would be fine. He'd tried to explain to her why he couldn't, but had only managed to form a few fractured sentences. Still, she seemed to have understood what he'd meant to say and hadn't asked him about dropping a duty again.

A small miracle for Iruka since he wasn't quite sure he could explain it to himself. That required thought, and thought required time and concentration. Neither of which he could utilize if he was too busy to even have time to sleep. For several blessed months Iruka had simply been too busy to think.

But all that is good must come to an end. Iruka sighed and looked around the empty room. With so few missions coming in he'd jumped at the chance to take the night shift in the mission room. Classes during the day, a few hours of uninterupted sleep, and then his night shift. He'd thought it would be enough.

Six more hours to go and he was already out of things to do. Nothing to do except think.

Think and wonder and worry.

How was Naruto? He hadn't heard anything from the boy in six months despite his promise to send letters. The boy he'd watched over through falls and triumphs. So determined to become Hokage despite the danger he constantly placed his life in to become strong. The boy he often found himself thinking of as a son. What was happening to him?

How had he failed? Sasuke was gone. One of his students had almost killed several of his other students and left the village for the sake of power. Power for revenge, revenge for the hatred in him. The student he'd taught for years, had watched grow, had stood beside during a mass burial. How could he have not noticed it?

How could he help? Sakura seemed bound and determined to chase after her teammates. He'd only managed to see her a few times since she'd begun her intense training under the Hokage. Seeing her only partially decreased his worry. He had nothing to say to her, nothing to ease the pain he could see in her. What could he say?

What was it about these children that made him feel so old when he realized they'd grown up? He worked with several chuunin that still called him sensei. Two weeks ago during an outdoor class a scarred jounin had snapped to attention when he'd yelled at the class to pay attention. It wasn't until later that Iruka realized the jounin had been in the very first class he'd taught, and had spent a great deal of his time trying to get out of it. He really wasn't old enough to have taught a jounin, was he? And if his students were now chuunin and jounin level, how many of them had already died?

How many of their faces and names did he forget because he no longer saw them in the village? Iruka pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. They were burning from the lack of sleep.

Maybe he should clean his apartment instead of sleeping. He'd kind of let it go wild lately, and there was no real telling when he'd get another chance to clean. This lull wouldn't last for long, "The proverbial calm before the storm."

It was only a matter of time before another uninterrupted torrent of missions would come in. Thank the gods.

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	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns all and I own nothing.

Warning: Drabbles.

Notes: Loosely connected drabbles from Kakashi and Iruka. For some reason Kakashi wanted to be written in first person while Iruka prefers third.

A Reason to Live  
by Fairady

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The village looks peaceful tonight.

I'm back, alive again. A few years ago my first stop after a mission like this would have been the hospital. I think I'm getting better, or maybe it was just because they were from Sound.

My first stop was by the mission room. I didn't actually bother to go in though. There was only one person there to receive reports, obviously there were no new missions. Must be the weather. It hasn't stopped raining for a week straight. It's not so bad after a while though. Once you're completely soaked you stop feeling the rain.

So I can sit here and talk to you for a while, Obito.

It's been too long I think.

...

Yeah. Hopefully this calm will end soon.

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	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns all and I own nothing.

Warning: Drabbles.

Notes: Loosely connected drabbles from Kakashi and Iruka. For some reason Kakashi wanted to be written in first person while Iruka prefers third.

A Reason to Live  
by Fairady

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Iruka thinks sometimes that it would be nice to have a family. A wife and a few kids. Just a small family that he would come home to everyday. Voices to fill his home and chase the stillness away.

A wife who was sweet and kind. Perhaps his wife would be a civilian because one ninja parent is really more than enough for any child to have to deal with. She'd be a good cook because all Iruka really knew to make was ramen.

A son and a daughter who would follow in his steps. The boy would be outgoing and active. Always running around with his friends and getting into all sorts of little troubles. The girl would be quiet and a little shy. She'd be very bright and would love to become a teacher just like her father. She might not even become a ninja, but she'd at least try.

Iruka likes to think about the family he could have. About the faceless woman and the two kids whose faces really don't look like his the more he imagines it. He likes to think about it, especially on the nights that he can't sleep. About the conversations they might have, the troubles his son might get into, the grades his daughter might get. He likes to think about it and it's a nice fantasy for him to have.

A fantasy, nothing more.

Even if there was a woman who interested him he doubted he'd be able to marry her. No kunochi was interested in a life long chuunin academy teacher. Especially not one who had such a debilitating hereditary flaw that could be passed on to his children.

He wouldn't be able to marry a civilian either. He really couldn't imagine coming home to a wife who couldn't understand what he did. Who wouldn't see the importance of the blood she washed out of his clothes or the history of the scars on his body.

He knows he wouldn't be able to have children. Knowing his own flesh and blood were shinobi and knowing they were out on missions that could end with them dead or worse. Seeing his child in the hospital for the first --and not last-- time. Watching the innocent boy and girl he'd raise slowly harden with each kill. The pain of it all would kill him.

It's bad enough with just Naruto. He can't imagine what it would be like with two kids.

A family. It's just a nice fantasy to indulge in from time to time when he can't sleep.

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